Lesley Venable

Learning To Love Myself....

This past year has been one of growth in so many ways.....emotionally, physically, artistically....you name the area of my life and it has had a profound shift occur this past year or so.

The one area that has grown in leaps and bounds has been my ability and desire to love myself for who/what/how I am.  Accepting my faults, understanding the fears and hurts and trusting that I am just where I am supposed to be and that place is perfect for me.

For many, many, many years I heard "you ruin everything".  In fact, I heard it so much that I believed it and took it to heart and allowed that often spoken comment to dictate how I felt about me and how I thought everyone else felt about me.  What I have learned is that some people need to make you feel less than, some people need to say hurtful things, some people need to believe what they say about you because that's how they "get by".  It is my choice to accept it or not and it only took me a lifetime to realize that by accepting their beliefs I was doing myself no favors and I was not allowing me a space to see that I am NOT who/what they say/think/believe that I am.

I am fortunate that I have my Daddy's kind, generous, loving and caring nature.  That he passed on to me a sense of loyalty to family and those that I love and who love and care about me.  I received these gifts from him and those gifts can never be taken away, diminished or erased by someone's need to lash out, be nasty or try to diminish me in my eyes.

Am I perfect?  No, but who among us can call themselves perfect?  I am learning to accept things as they are, I am learning to embrace who I am and I am learning that I can't change the way a person thinks, acts or responds to me.  My job is making me the best me I can be, my job is understanding that if someone needs to use me as their scapegoat that's on them and not on me. 

We spent time over the holidays with very special people in my life and I learned the biggest lesson of the year during that 4 days......family can be about love, time together and serenity. 

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Hoping you had a wonderful holiday and that 2014 will be one of blessings, abundance and love.

XO,

Lesley V.

A Fond Look At A Life Lesson

Creating through the lessons that life is teaching us is sometimes not a comfortable thing to do.  It is easy to get mired down in the circumstances of what may be happening to you or to those around you and, in turn, to find yourself creatively stuck.

Depression was, and can be, my "soul" sucker and when it landed on me a couple of years ago it took, literally, everything I had to shake it and hold it at bay.  I know from experience that there were days (weeks) where I had to literally force myself to make something, anything, to keep the creative energy present within me. 

Tom and I cared for his elderly mother for the last 8 years of her life and she lived with us the last year or so of it.  While she didn't live with us for 7 of those years the caregiving need was still ever present as we were still responsible for her meds, meals, laundry, groceries, shopping, chauffering, etc.  Was it difficult?  Yes.  Was it a burden at times?  Yes.  Would we do it all over again?  Most definitely, Yes, yes, yes!!!

This time spent as a caregiver showed me that I am stronger than I thought, more compassionate than I give myself credit for and more caring/loving that I could imagine.  It allowed me to see my friends who care for their friends and family in need in such a different light and to respect them for having the capacity to open their hearts in such a way.  It also helped me to see that you never know what responsibility/fear/concern/sickness someone may have in their life that they are dealing with that you can't see and that you should never assume anything.   

The void left when she passed away was felt in so many ways within us both.  I can look back now and see that this deep, black hole, once opened, revealed issues that had been pushed down and smothered inside of me for years and years.  I gave in to them and thus Mr. Depression came along and sat down beside her.  So to speak.  <smile>  Then I took the hand held out to help me and I haven't looked back once....well, maybe I've glanced back but not for long as I kept my eye on the prize that was my happiness.

I've journaled, written, colored, etched, dyed, glued, painted, resin'd, taught, learned and arted my way through two years of therapy and friendship and familial decisions and I'm here, standing strong, smiling, dreaming, creating and being. 

My journey took me down a road I didn't expect to go on at my age, into a valley, sludging through a swamp and started up a wonderful mountain.  Sometimes I get out of breath, sometimes I get whiney (just ask Tom or my family of friends) but I always strive to get better. 

I've found and surrounded myself with people who are supportive and loving towards me.  And honest.  They tell me the truth....not hurtful, hateful things but things I need to know like...hey, you are being whiney, be quiet.  :)  They know my past and believe in my future.  They don't say something behind my back that they wouldn't say to my face....well you get the picture.  :)  I do the same for them because I love them right back. 

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I hope you are blessed with friends and family in your life that support you, love you and reach that hand out to you and I hope that you do the same for them.

xo,

Lesley V.

 

Art Is You 2013.....Come Join Us!!

The 2013 Art Is You Website is live and ready for you to view...

In their words....

"Come. Join the Art is...You family in 2013 for a retreat that is all about Community through Creativity. Artists across the country are waking up to the power of each other, coming together.

Now in three venues: Nashville, Petaluma or Stamford, Art is...You is an ALL INCLUSIVE joyous week of art workshops, all lunches, panel sessions, heart starter mornings, and suppers each night."

You will be amazed at all that is offered when you attend one of these fabulous retreats that Sal & Ellen put together.  I am so excited to be attending all of their retreats and to be a part of this amazing family.  To be whisked away to the site just click their banner in this post.

xo,

Lesley V.

Related articles

Nashville.........Are You Ready?!?!?

Fear Based Thinking & What It Can Do To Your Studio

You never know what will trigger a bout of fear based thinking.  So many different things come into play....your experiences, life trauma(s), friendships, relationships, etc.

While they don't happen as often to me (Tom may have a different theory) they do still occur and sometimes when they do I am not even aware they are there.  An unseen dark cloud hovering above putting down a steady drizzle until you become either completely consumed by them or aware enough of them that you can take stock of what is happening and go into "turn it around" mode.

This week, yesterday to be very specific, I suddenly (with a bit of an abrupt shove nudge) saw an entire two weeks worth of fear based thinking that I had been living right in the middle of.  Call it lack, fear of not having enough of something, fear of not having the right somethings.....any one of those will fit but to be quite honest they all do fit quite nicely around this pit of ucky thinking I have been doing.

While I am not sure exactly what triggered it I do have at least an idea and that's the first step to getting out of it.  The next step is to stop the behavior that the fear is creating within you.  In my case it was this need to be sure I would have just the right ink, glass, solder, copper, rhinestone, chain, lace, etc. and in this need to do all I could to purchase those things I found (at the right price of course) to fluff my studio nest. 

Now, here are the things that are so wrong with this bit of "lack" thinking...

1.  If you don't let things go you don't open yourself up to other things that may be waiting to get to you.

2.  If you don't share, gift, pass on you don't open yourself up to the Karma that comes along with that.

3.  If you don't share, gift, pass on or create with those things you cannot do any of that any longer because you are flat out too stressed about what to do with all the stuff you have hoarded collected over time.

So, this past weekend I began a process of culling (no, not Cullen).  I have donate piles, I have gifting piles, I have keeping piles and I have selling piles.  It makes me happy to see these little stacks of items that will be flying out to those that need/want/have-to-have them.

Donate piles will be heading to the local Goodwill very soon while gifting piles still need to gather and grow a bit before they can be sent off.  Creating or stuff to keep piles will be going into my studio in a more organized fashion and selling piles will begin to be listed this weekend in my Etsy Shoppe. 

Please be sure to check out the listings as I post that they are up on Etsy because many things will be going for what I paid for them or less.  These are things that I have purchased at various vendor nights, vintage finds, almost or truly new art books and more.  They are also those items that I just couldn't fit into any of my giveaway piles, donate piles or keep piles.  So, if you happen to see something that I purchased from you at a Vendor night don't be offended.  It's not that I didn't love it or don't love it still...it's just time to pass it along to someone that can use it NOW versus, maybe, never.

Another good Karma inducer is to host a giveaway to say thank you to those that have stepped up to help the victims of Sandy.  It's not time to quit giving to those communities...so many still need help to get their lives back on track, people who lost everything.  Please visit my post on how to help and be rewarded.....

http://flatwoodsfolkart.typepad.com/lesley_venable/2012/11/hurricane-sandy-relief-giveaway.html

I so very much appreciate each and every one of you.  Thank you for being a part of my journey.

xo,

Lesley

 

Election 2012....

Thoughts on loss...

On Friday, our Clancy boy went to be with his sister Maggie.  It was one of those decisions that was both hard and easy....I can't think of any other way to say it.  So hard to say goodbye to such an important part of your family but made easier knowing it was the best thing for them. 

 

Clancy Boy

Clancy, who was 11, and Maggie, who we lost when she was 9, came to us as puppies, brother and sister, two fluffy bundles of joy who stole our hearts and wrapped us immediately around their little paws.  Sitting here now I can't even fathom the loss and thinking of the hole that is left makes my chest constrict with the pain.

Maggie & Clancy - Together From The Beginning

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They were faithful and loyal and everything that you've ever read a good dog should be.  They were happy and goofy and playful and little terrors and we loved them and they loved us.  We were all loved and that is what is important here.  Important for me to remember, important for me to know......important.

Clancy

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Maggie

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Maggie & Clancy.....Together Still

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On Sunday, what would have been my Daddy's birthday, the memories of him were mixed with the sadness of our loss of Clancy but then a peace came.  I could see Clancy and Maggie with Daddy and his dog, Butch.  I could see all of them happy and pain free and loved. 

I could see Kecia's fur baby Kirby there with them too....everyone showing Clancy the places to explore, I could see the breeze ruffling their fur, the smile in their eyes and at that moment I didn't care if it was a Rainbow Bridge, or an open meadow or a warm hearth or the kind hand of a loved one gone before.  It only mattered that we had loved them through this life and loved them enough to help them pass to the next one when their time had come.  It mattered only that we had loved them with us and that we loved them still, so much, in their absence and that they had known that we did and do.

I am selfish, I would have all that I love here with me for always but it doesn't work that way and I would not give up one moment of time with them to be rid of the pain that is felt now.  Not one moment.

Rest In Peace our golden fur babies....you are loved, missed and remembered.

xo,

Lesley V.

 

 

Art Unraveled - Vending

I know that many of you who travel to various art retreats find that vending night is as magical as I do. 

For us we have fun setting up our vending table and then we get to walk around to see all of the beautiful art and fun and funky vintage finds that are being offered for sale.

Here are a few shots of our table, which included vintage finds and original art by yours truly, at Art Unraveled in Phoenix this year...

 

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What a fun time we had in Phoenix!  Be on the lookout for images from my classes.

xo,

Lesley

 

Me, Myself and I - A Quarterly Review

At the end of 2011 I opened wide my soul and bared to all how depression had affected me and those around me.  It was a scary revealing done with a heavy dose of timidness and trepidation.  But, thankfully, mixed in with that fear was the relief that comes from a letting go, an opening up, a release.  I received so many emails and messages regarding that post that I wanted to share with everyone where I am on this journey of healing.

Recently I had a moment of clarity.  Now this moment was monumental in showing me how far I had come but unfortunately it came from a not so good time.  You know those times when you completely have to show your a$$ to see how wrong you are?  Yep, well that's what happened here.  Tom and I have set up ways that we want to be able to communicate when something's come up that the other isn't liking.  Yep, you have to do that when you are trying to relearn things that have been embedded from a long time ago.  <smile> 

Anyway, I, for some reason, needed to make this particular situation all about me, my needs, what I wanted, etc., etc., etc.  It created quite a bit of friction and a bit of an argument ensued.  In that flash of anger on my part I realized that it really wasn't about me, didn't need to be and as much as I thought I wanted it to be it never would be.  I was totally reading so much more into one single statement than it really meant and in that realization I saw that I was creating the set up for the argument.  Wow!  That was like a 1,000 watt lightbulb being switched on. 

So what was the good that came out of it?  Well, there were really several things that happened....

1. I realized that I could just hear what Tom was saying and instead of hearing my interpretation of it I could just trust that it meant what he said.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Geeze, how is that for a brainiac moment??? 
2. I saw in that flash of anger, and truly it was a flash, that I didn't like me like that at all.  In the past that way of reacting had served it's purpose...not really sure how but I believe that when my ex would become abusive (physically, mentally or emotionally) that if I allowed myself to become angry I could blame the anger on his abuse and not blame me just for being me.  Not sure that makes sense but just so you know my belief about that now is that I in no way caused or created his abusiveness....it was his issue and not mine. 
3. Finally, and I think the most important thing that I saw, is that I didn't feel ashamed.  My little outburst happened at the counselor's office, in front of her, and although I was embarassed it happened I did not feel ashamed by my behavior.  This was huge for me.  HUGE!!  You see to feel embarassed it is about my action but to feel ashamed or shame over it is about me as a human.  Truly, I cannot remember a time when I have not taken on a bit of shame about one thing or another.

So here I am, 3 months into the new year, feeling pretty good about my progress.  There aren't so many steps and hops back.  I feel a steady progression forward with just a few times where I sit idly in place.  I see all of my relationships improving and I am enjoying all that is happening. 

I am always aware of the strong and loving support system that my family and friends have wrapped around me like a huge comforter and I carry that with me always.  They have never wavered from their support and I have tried to show my gratitude to them but I don't know if I could ever convey to them what a blessing they are.

There is much to be grateful for.

xo,

Lesley V.

A Journey In Heart and In Soul.....

Hi Everyone!

I hope this Monday finds you doing well and feeling very blessed. 

ROAD TRIP!!!!  

 

My friend and fellow artist, Kecia Deveney, is going on an amazing road trip across the U.S. on her way to teach in California.  To help fund her trip she is selling some amazing jewelry pieces.  This is truly a journey of her heart so it is very fitting that all of the pieces are heart themed.  The pieces are going fast so be sure that you pop over to Kecia's blog to read more about her amazing journey and why this is such a special time for her.  (Click on the image above or her name to be whisked away).

I received the following email this morning and I must say it has made my morning.  I wanted to pass it along to you to encourage, to strengthen, to liberate....

  Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

 

a return to love - Marianne Williamson

Isn't that beautiful?  I loved it and hope you did too!

xoxoxo,

Lesley V.

 

 

 

 

 

Homestead Happenings.....

Wow, there is so much that I've added to my "to do" list for this weekend that if I sit and think about it too long it becomes very daunting.  With that being said I am sooooooooo eager and excited to be begin working with a few of them. 

Some are just those final twists, fluffs and embellishments so that proposal images can be completed.  Others are more for the home...painting, living room window treatments and taking down the last of the holiday ornaments. 

The studio really needs a good organizing/tossing/finding mission and that will be first on my agenda for Saturday morning.

I am also creating some jewelry and sending down South to a shop that I hope will want to carry it for me.  Keep your fingers crossed and please send out some positive energy and send up prayers.

I have 4 items packaged up and ready to ship but I want them all to go out at once so will be finishing that too.

We are going to a hockey game on Saturday night with friends.  I have never been to one but my boss is the coach so wanted to be sure I got to at least one this season.  It should be fun though and I'm looking forward to the experience.

I will be soldering and wrapping and twisting and enjoying this weekend so much and to make it even better.....it is a holiday weekend!  3 Days!!!!!

I'll take some photos and post images for those of you who may be interested.  <smile>

What is on your agenda for this weekend????