It seems that my life's journey this year has seen its fair share of cross-roads, opportunities to make those decisions that will see dreams come to fruition or see steps taken for self preservation or both.
Lately I have found myself meandering in my thoughts of how this year, and more specifically the past five months or so, have played out. I find that I still have some steps of grieving that need to take place in some parts but I see much growth in others. Perhaps that is just what these cross-roads are supposed to do....give us the opportunity to make bold choices while allowing ourselves to grow.
I find that while I can still get wrapped up in the low self-esteem fears of not being included enough or productive enough or "whatever" enough that I can see beyond that and see the cycles of "what is". I think we probably each have our times feeling these emotions and that part of our reality is that we just have to move past them, through them or, well, just climb on top of them and ride them out.
These times are also a catalyst for me to make sure that I am not doing something that is making anyone I feel close to feel these feelings. It's easy for me to sometimes remember that it doesn't take much to leave a note, post on a FB page or just call and leave a message. So that is my new "directive" for myself.....treat my friends as I want them to treat me...it is the right thing to do because I care deeply for those closest to me.
Having allowed worry, fear, hurt and pain to get in the way of joyous and happy times is something that I have allowed far too often. But this year has shown me growth in those areas too and it has allowed me to be honest with myself in a way that I have never been able to before.
I have judged myself harshly against those that I admire the most when there is absolutely no need to and I have had to realize that my only job is to trust that those that care about me will always tell me the truth.
It's the growing of wings or, more appropriately, the allowing of the wings that I have always had to spread and carry me to where I have always wanted to go.
Simple and hard these meanderings but so well worth it.
Happy September Everyone,
Lesley V.