Tom's Mom

March 8, 1917 - June 18, 2010

Correlle Woodahl Venable, 93, of Roanoke, came to the end of a full life at her home on June 18, 2010. Surviving are a son and daughter-in-law, Tom and Lesley Venable, of Roanoke; grandson, Phil Venable, of Fairfax; sister, Inez Painter; niece and partner in crime, Sue Moore, both of Roanoke; friend, honorary family member, and lady-in-waiting, Adele Robinson, of Roanoke; and numerous nieces, nephews and friends. Preceding her in death were sisters, Evelyn Riley, Josephine Payne, Celeste (Teabug) Dawson; and brothers, Bernard Woodahl and Lester (Ookey) Woodahl. Correlle was a connoisseur of lemon bars and ginger crinkles and her dry sense of humor kept everyone on their toes. Following her wishes, a simple memorial Mass will be held at 11 a.m. on June 26, 2010, at Our Lady of Nazareth Catholic Church with Father Joe officiating. The family will welcome friends after the service for continued fellowship. Correlle was not big fan of flowers and suggested that memorial contributions be directed to Our Lady of Nazareth Catholic Church, where they are to be used in any Church supported program that will help people.

Near The End

I don't know how much longer my mother can last.  The hospice nurse said yesterday that she did not think that death was imminent, but maybe next week or next month or maybe sooner or later.  We don't have a timetable.

She had a pretty rough night.  I spent some of it with her.  Sometimes she quits breathing for 10-15 seconds at a time, but her pulse is steady and fairly strong.  I am just concentrating on her pain meds.  Anything else comes after she gets that.  She no longer wants to eat and only occasionally drinks anything. 

I make her coffee for her every morning since I know how much she likes it.  Today she woke up just long enough to take a sip or two.  Then she said something I didn't understand.  Since I was sure that whatever it was would be really important, I asked her to repeat it.  Then I understood.  "This is good coffee",  she told me and then went back to sleep.

Last night I told her it was alright to go, that we would miss her, but not to stay for us.  She said, " I AM going, but I don't know what's there."  I have spent a lot of time telling her how much I love her and thanking her for all the things she has done for me.

She has had the last rites.  I know she doesn't want to linger.

Every Day Is A New Day

Today started out just awful.  Mom had a bad, bad night.  But things are better now.  We had a great talk.  She says that dying is not what she thought it would be, that you don't just go off to sleep.  Memories flash in and out, but not long enough for her to really dwell on them or even fully recognize what they are.  They come and go pretty quick. 

She doesn't feel like she is dying, she says, she feels like life is dying, and according to her, "Who wants to live forever."

Lesley and I are following the hospice advice, telling her that we will take care of each other and that when she is ready it is ok to go.  Mom says she feels very peaceful today. 

It's A Great Day

It's too soon to tell whether this is temporary or not, but my mother is doing really great today.  I knew she was feeling better when she told me I had given her too big a bite of roll this morning.  She never complains about anything serious, but she sure lets me know about the little things that she thinks I could do better. 

We spent a lot of time talking today.  She told me she doesn't much care whether she gets better or not since she has had a full life.  I said that we would love to have her stay around longer, but if she was ready to go that it was ok.

She fed herself ice cream, part of a grilled cheese sandwich, and held a cup of tea.  Prior to today, we have had to feed her what little she ate.

We'll see what the future brings.

What This Is All About

My mother came to live with us last November.  She was 92 and had been living in the same apartment for the last 40 years of so.  Up until six years ago, she had been getting around without any real problems, other than having to use a cane.  She had endured cataract surgery in both eyes, hip and knee replacements, high blood pressure and reduced kidney functions. There were probably other things I never knew about.

Her best friend, Rita, was diagnosed with cancer and died in February, 2004.  Shortly after that her baby  brother passed away, also from cancer.  She got pretty sick that summer and we thought we would lose her, but she rebounded and seemed to be doing OK except that she started going downhill again in the second half of 2009.

Years before all this happened, Lesley and I were visiting my mom, who was musing about where she would go when she wasn't able to live by herself.  Out of the blue, Lesley said, "Your next move will be in with us."  I just about fell out of my chair.  We hadn't talked about this at all, so the invitation was news to me.

As Mom's health failed, I realized, with Lesley's help, that her moving in with us would be the best possible thing to do.  As part of a series of what we call coincidences when we don't recognize God working in our lives, I retired about a year ago, so I was available to be a full time care giver.

Lesley and I anxiously approached Mother about moving in with us, expecting to have a real fight on our hands.  Instead my mom hugged us and told us we were angels.  That's how we all ended up making our home together.

We got her a new HD TV that she loves.  Her room is the main bedroom of the house.  Lesley and I live downstairs where no one can see in the rare event everything is not perfectly straight. 

I would get up every morning and fix breakfast for all of us, as well as lunch and dinner.  For the first time in years, Lesley and I had dinner at the dining room table;  my mother joined us.  This gave us a real feeling of family.  I was able to fix all my mom's favorite treats:  brown sugar brownies, lemon bars, ginger crinkles.  We found some new things she liked, and some things we discovered she didn't.  Lesley or I made her bed every morning and cleaned the portable toilet.  If I didn't get her coffee and newspaper to her the first thing in the morning, I heard about it.

A couple of weeks ago, she seemed to be getting confused and somewhat disoriented.  While we were away the weekend before Memorial Day weekend, Adele stayed with my mom.  She called us to say that Mom had fallen a couple of times, but hadn't hurt herself.  She became more confused and physically weaker.  By the time Monday morning rolled around, we knew something was wrong.  The next day she wanted to go over her obituary and what she wanted for her funeral.  I got to read a letter that she had written years ago and was not to be opened unless her death was imminent.  

By the end of the week she was in the ER.  The doctors said that they didn't think she would get any better, so we brought her back home.  Lesley and I assured her that she would stay with us until the end, no matter when or how that was.  Mom knows what shape she is in and is peaceful.  She told the priest that she is ready.  I guess we all are.