Lesley Venable

A Fond Look At A Life Lesson

Creating through the lessons that life is teaching us is sometimes not a comfortable thing to do.  It is easy to get mired down in the circumstances of what may be happening to you or to those around you and, in turn, to find yourself creatively stuck.

Depression was, and can be, my "soul" sucker and when it landed on me a couple of years ago it took, literally, everything I had to shake it and hold it at bay.  I know from experience that there were days (weeks) where I had to literally force myself to make something, anything, to keep the creative energy present within me. 

Tom and I cared for his elderly mother for the last 8 years of her life and she lived with us the last year or so of it.  While she didn't live with us for 7 of those years the caregiving need was still ever present as we were still responsible for her meds, meals, laundry, groceries, shopping, chauffering, etc.  Was it difficult?  Yes.  Was it a burden at times?  Yes.  Would we do it all over again?  Most definitely, Yes, yes, yes!!!

This time spent as a caregiver showed me that I am stronger than I thought, more compassionate than I give myself credit for and more caring/loving that I could imagine.  It allowed me to see my friends who care for their friends and family in need in such a different light and to respect them for having the capacity to open their hearts in such a way.  It also helped me to see that you never know what responsibility/fear/concern/sickness someone may have in their life that they are dealing with that you can't see and that you should never assume anything.   

The void left when she passed away was felt in so many ways within us both.  I can look back now and see that this deep, black hole, once opened, revealed issues that had been pushed down and smothered inside of me for years and years.  I gave in to them and thus Mr. Depression came along and sat down beside her.  So to speak.  <smile>  Then I took the hand held out to help me and I haven't looked back once....well, maybe I've glanced back but not for long as I kept my eye on the prize that was my happiness.

I've journaled, written, colored, etched, dyed, glued, painted, resin'd, taught, learned and arted my way through two years of therapy and friendship and familial decisions and I'm here, standing strong, smiling, dreaming, creating and being. 

My journey took me down a road I didn't expect to go on at my age, into a valley, sludging through a swamp and started up a wonderful mountain.  Sometimes I get out of breath, sometimes I get whiney (just ask Tom or my family of friends) but I always strive to get better. 

I've found and surrounded myself with people who are supportive and loving towards me.  And honest.  They tell me the truth....not hurtful, hateful things but things I need to know like...hey, you are being whiney, be quiet.  :)  They know my past and believe in my future.  They don't say something behind my back that they wouldn't say to my face....well you get the picture.  :)  I do the same for them because I love them right back. 

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I hope you are blessed with friends and family in your life that support you, love you and reach that hand out to you and I hope that you do the same for them.

xo,

Lesley V.

 

Reflections On The Year

2012 has been another year of growth, stumbling and re-growth.  I'm not sure that that comment made a lick of sense, as my Grandmother used to say, but it does say what I needed it to.

I have found over the course of my search for confidence and self-esteem that I have had some amazing highs and some lick the bottom of the barrel lows.  Sometimes all in the same moment which can be a bit confusing to say the least.  <smile>

I have discovered that I can set myself up for some pretty big falls when I allow my mind to set some lofty expectations.  It's not fair to me but, maybe more importantly, it's not fair to those in my life that my expectations are "riding on".  This bit of knowledge will definitely come into play as I set my goals for 2013. 

This year has brought some amazing experiences, friendships and adventures.  I have begun to trust my friendships and relationships which isn't easy to do having been in an abusive relationship for 18 years of my life.  It's scary and frightening and I sometimes fight it kicking and screaming.  Trust seems to come so easy to others and I find myself questioning what is wrong with me that I just can't do it.  Hmmmm perhaps a growth experience for 2013??

Over the next couple of days you will find that my mind and words will wander around this past year as I look forward to the adventures of this new year that is looming. 

Right now the only thing that is certain is that I feel fortunate for my hubby, our fur babies, my friends, my family and my art. 

Sweet Dreams,

Lesley V.

 

Art Is You 2013.....Come Join Us!!

The 2013 Art Is You Website is live and ready for you to view...

In their words....

"Come. Join the Art is...You family in 2013 for a retreat that is all about Community through Creativity. Artists across the country are waking up to the power of each other, coming together.

Now in three venues: Nashville, Petaluma or Stamford, Art is...You is an ALL INCLUSIVE joyous week of art workshops, all lunches, panel sessions, heart starter mornings, and suppers each night."

You will be amazed at all that is offered when you attend one of these fabulous retreats that Sal & Ellen put together.  I am so excited to be attending all of their retreats and to be a part of this amazing family.  To be whisked away to the site just click their banner in this post.

xo,

Lesley V.

Related articles

Nashville.........Are You Ready?!?!?

Uncovet....The Site

Have you been to the site Uncovet yet?  If not you could be missing out on some very beautiful and bodasciously cool stuff at amazing prices.

Here are just a few of the items they have for sale now.  Can't you see buying one of those cool starving artist tees for you and your friends???

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Pretty cool, huh?  To check out more of the goodies and to be notified when they have new items just click the link below.

http://shop.uncovet.com?lrRef=FbMcy0

Have fun!

xo,

Lesley

 

Me, Myself and I - A Quarterly Review

At the end of 2011 I opened wide my soul and bared to all how depression had affected me and those around me.  It was a scary revealing done with a heavy dose of timidness and trepidation.  But, thankfully, mixed in with that fear was the relief that comes from a letting go, an opening up, a release.  I received so many emails and messages regarding that post that I wanted to share with everyone where I am on this journey of healing.

Recently I had a moment of clarity.  Now this moment was monumental in showing me how far I had come but unfortunately it came from a not so good time.  You know those times when you completely have to show your a$$ to see how wrong you are?  Yep, well that's what happened here.  Tom and I have set up ways that we want to be able to communicate when something's come up that the other isn't liking.  Yep, you have to do that when you are trying to relearn things that have been embedded from a long time ago.  <smile> 

Anyway, I, for some reason, needed to make this particular situation all about me, my needs, what I wanted, etc., etc., etc.  It created quite a bit of friction and a bit of an argument ensued.  In that flash of anger on my part I realized that it really wasn't about me, didn't need to be and as much as I thought I wanted it to be it never would be.  I was totally reading so much more into one single statement than it really meant and in that realization I saw that I was creating the set up for the argument.  Wow!  That was like a 1,000 watt lightbulb being switched on. 

So what was the good that came out of it?  Well, there were really several things that happened....

1. I realized that I could just hear what Tom was saying and instead of hearing my interpretation of it I could just trust that it meant what he said.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Geeze, how is that for a brainiac moment??? 
2. I saw in that flash of anger, and truly it was a flash, that I didn't like me like that at all.  In the past that way of reacting had served it's purpose...not really sure how but I believe that when my ex would become abusive (physically, mentally or emotionally) that if I allowed myself to become angry I could blame the anger on his abuse and not blame me just for being me.  Not sure that makes sense but just so you know my belief about that now is that I in no way caused or created his abusiveness....it was his issue and not mine. 
3. Finally, and I think the most important thing that I saw, is that I didn't feel ashamed.  My little outburst happened at the counselor's office, in front of her, and although I was embarassed it happened I did not feel ashamed by my behavior.  This was huge for me.  HUGE!!  You see to feel embarassed it is about my action but to feel ashamed or shame over it is about me as a human.  Truly, I cannot remember a time when I have not taken on a bit of shame about one thing or another.

So here I am, 3 months into the new year, feeling pretty good about my progress.  There aren't so many steps and hops back.  I feel a steady progression forward with just a few times where I sit idly in place.  I see all of my relationships improving and I am enjoying all that is happening. 

I am always aware of the strong and loving support system that my family and friends have wrapped around me like a huge comforter and I carry that with me always.  They have never wavered from their support and I have tried to show my gratitude to them but I don't know if I could ever convey to them what a blessing they are.

There is much to be grateful for.

xo,

Lesley V.

F Stands For.....(oh and a fast giveaway too)

Hi Everyone!!

Today we will focus on the letter "F".  "F" is for feeling funky (Tom and I have had the crud the past week), "F" is for friendship (so grateful for the friends that I have made since my move to Virginia - both in and out of the art world), "F" is for February (what???? a new month already??? really???), "F" is for family (which I will see soon at my nephew, Jason's, wedding - woohoo), "F" is for future (a bright one I see with my loving hubby with whom I will soon be celebrating a 10 year anniversary with) and "F"inally "F" is for "fantabulishousness"!!!

Fantabulishousness is what you will soon see when the rosters and class lists go live for the 2012 Art Is You Events!!!!  Soooo excited to be going and teaching and learning and visiting and just getting immersed in everything that is ART!!!!!

To celebrate this month of LOVE I want to give away a one of a kind piece of art!!!  All you have to do is follow these little steps:

1.  If you haven't already signed up to follow me (upper right at top of sidebar) do so 'cuz only follower's are eligible for the win.

2.  Leave a comment hear telling me you signed up to follow and....

3.  In the same comment tell me what you LOVE about the month of LOVE.

I will draw the winning name on Sunday, February 5th, and the surprise prize will be mailed out on February 6th (as long as the winner has sent me their address).

Come and join the fun!!!

xo,

Lesley V.

Late Celebrations & Being Okay...

As I sit writing this I have to say that I can't believe that just 6 months ago the thought of not having all of my gifts sent out to arrive in time to open on Christmas morning or Christmas Eve would have devastated this "imperfect perfectionist", as one of my friends said of being a Virgo.

To be honest I will admit that the week before Christmas I felt it.  That hyperventilating, blood chilling feeling of "oh no, they won't make it"...come on, you know what I am talking about.  <smile>  But then this calm voice, unbelievably mine, said "it's okay, life happens and the only time crunch happening is the one you are creating".  I have to say I liked this voice that was able to instantly tell me all would be okay, to breathe, let go of the perfectionist need and do what you can as you are able. 

Oh my gosh!  I loved this levelheaded serenely calm woman who had somehow taken up residence in my soul without me really realizing it.  Don't get me wrong I know I've got a wonderful counselor that has worked with me over a lot of issues but I had not realized how much of what I was doing was actually taking root.  I had spent so many hours thinking I could never change behaviors that had been with me 29 years (again) that I was very shocked to hear this new tape running inside my head.  Shocked but sooooo happy!

This revelation had me seeking out other areas where change was taking place and to my amazement found more instances.  Of course I did find the occasional thing or two that still needed a LOT of work but that's okay....I can see progress and that makes me feel wonderful!

Hope this day finds you well and feeling blessed,

 

Journal Art & New Beginnings...

Happy New Year Everyone!

Have you been looking for something new to challenge yourself as we move from 2011 into 2012?  Well, if the answer is yes you may just want to check out Effy's Book of Days.  She will send out two or three e-mails a week containing her musings on the subject of journal art and memory keeping. Along with her musings, you get links to videos she produces that feature ways to create a sustainable art practice, journal art tips and tricks. links to resources she finds on line that inspire her and are bound to inspire you too!

If you click on the image above you will be taken to the sign-up site.

To read more about it click on the below image.

Hope to see you there!!

xo,

 

Outing My Depressive Self and Looking Back In Retrospect...

I've been sitting here for a bit trying to figure out exactly how to word this post, starting it and then erasing it.  I find myself questioning how people will see me after they read it and while I find that I am comfortable worried about being accepted I am not comfortable with the fear of it.  Hmmm, if that makes any sense.  So, I am just going to begin......

This past Summer I found myself in the darkest of dark spots.  It was as if all of the dark/bad/angry/painful experiences in my life had gathered into a quicksand that threatened to swallow me.  There were days that I had to hang on to the slightest sliver of shining goodness just to get by and then there were the days that I felt like there was no use in even trying and I found myself turning away from those bits of goodness.

These darkest days were the most frightening things for both Tom and I and my goals became to survive that day, that hour, that minute.  Tom built this coccoon around me that protected me from painful situations/people and the healing process began.  I was open about what was happening with those closest to me and they offered even more of their unconditional love and support.  I began seeing a wonderful counselor and I began the journey of finding me, of loving me, of accepting me. 

The journey has been one of steps, even leaps, forward and of steps and hops backward.  I have danced sideways around issues that have been very painful only to find that I keep getting put back in those situations.  I continue to be supported and loved by many and I can honestly say that my days have their fill of laughter and smiles. 

It's not easy working on things that have been buried a long time.  Dredging up old "stuff" is sometimes a dirty and disgusting job but I'm doing it.  I want to stay in the light of the good stuff and not get bogged back down in that dark and unforgiving quicksand.  I see so many stories every day about what havoc depression has reeked upon its victims and I think to myself "there but for the grace of God go I".

With the end of the year fast approaching I found myself looking back in retrospect.  Did I accomplish what I wanted to?  Did I love those near and dear to me as I should have?  Am I having the same struggles now as I did a year ago?

If you allow yourself to look at things from the "the cup's half empty" viewpoint a year end review can be a difficult and, sometimes, painful experience.  Believe me I know as I have myself taken on the burdens of past disappointments and regrets.  In fact, I have allowed myself to wear these burdens like so many necklaces weighing down my neck and shoulders....NOT good (as Tom's mother used to say).

This year has brought some pretty low lows but it has gifted me with amazing highs and that's what I want to focus on.  I want to see the gift of acceptance that was handed to me by those that love me, those that will never, ever know how very grateful I am to have them in my life. 

I want to look forward with my eyes wide open, I want to create with abandon, I want to believe that everything is in its right place, I want to love wholeheartedly, I want to forgive and be forgiven, I want to sit down and tell those responsible how grateful I am that they saved me (literally) and I want to start 2012 out with the words, "Once Upon a Time....".

And now I want to wish each and everyone of you unlimited blessings for the New Year.

xo,

 

Balancing The Creative & The Analytical

Hi Everyone,

Lately I've been finding my way through balancing the creative and analytical parts of my brain.  My "necessary" job is in finance so shutting out what is happening economically in the world today is tough.  There have been those days where it has just been impossible to let the numbers go and let the muse in. 

I figured out that I know enough about the creative process to know that if I feed that part of my soul daily it gives so much back to me.  Stretching those creative wings gifts me with the energy and need to push the job out of my head and with each day it happens a bit quicker. 

I won't say that every day it is a breeze to walk in the door, change from my job clothes to my creating clothes, get in the studio and get to creating but I will say that for the days that I thought I didn't want to create it didn't take long for the gears to change.

There are a few rules that I follow each day when I get home...

1.  When I arrive home I immediately change into my play or creating clothes.

2.  I sit at my studio work table and immediately begin working on whatever "work in progress" I spy first.

3.  I keep some items that can be worked on in other areas of the house so that I can easily pick it up and create elsewhere.

4.  I always have a few pieces in the works so that when I arrive home each day there is something waiting for me to work on.  This makes Item #2 above work because I am immediately drawn into the creative process.

For me it's really what has worked the best to get out of my business/analytical/spreadsheet brain.  What do you do to get creative and stay creative?

So grateful for you all,