Creating through the lessons that life is teaching us is sometimes not a comfortable thing to do. It is easy to get mired down in the circumstances of what may be happening to you or to those around you and, in turn, to find yourself creatively stuck.
Depression was, and can be, my "soul" sucker and when it landed on me a couple of years ago it took, literally, everything I had to shake it and hold it at bay. I know from experience that there were days (weeks) where I had to literally force myself to make something, anything, to keep the creative energy present within me.
Tom and I cared for his elderly mother for the last 8 years of her life and she lived with us the last year or so of it. While she didn't live with us for 7 of those years the caregiving need was still ever present as we were still responsible for her meds, meals, laundry, groceries, shopping, chauffering, etc. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it a burden at times? Yes. Would we do it all over again? Most definitely, Yes, yes, yes!!!
This time spent as a caregiver showed me that I am stronger than I thought, more compassionate than I give myself credit for and more caring/loving that I could imagine. It allowed me to see my friends who care for their friends and family in need in such a different light and to respect them for having the capacity to open their hearts in such a way. It also helped me to see that you never know what responsibility/fear/concern/sickness someone may have in their life that they are dealing with that you can't see and that you should never assume anything.
The void left when she passed away was felt in so many ways within us both. I can look back now and see that this deep, black hole, once opened, revealed issues that had been pushed down and smothered inside of me for years and years. I gave in to them and thus Mr. Depression came along and sat down beside her. So to speak. <smile> Then I took the hand held out to help me and I haven't looked back once....well, maybe I've glanced back but not for long as I kept my eye on the prize that was my happiness.
I've journaled, written, colored, etched, dyed, glued, painted, resin'd, taught, learned and arted my way through two years of therapy and friendship and familial decisions and I'm here, standing strong, smiling, dreaming, creating and being.
My journey took me down a road I didn't expect to go on at my age, into a valley, sludging through a swamp and started up a wonderful mountain. Sometimes I get out of breath, sometimes I get whiney (just ask Tom or my family of friends) but I always strive to get better.
I've found and surrounded myself with people who are supportive and loving towards me. And honest. They tell me the truth....not hurtful, hateful things but things I need to know like...hey, you are being whiney, be quiet. :) They know my past and believe in my future. They don't say something behind my back that they wouldn't say to my face....well you get the picture. :) I do the same for them because I love them right back.
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I hope you are blessed with friends and family in your life that support you, love you and reach that hand out to you and I hope that you do the same for them.
xo,
Lesley V.
