Almost a year ago I kind of allowed myself to get maneuvered into a situation and, of course, once I was maneuvered I took up the "fight" to correct a wrong. I know, I know, this all sounds so mysterious but really it wasn't. I crossed a line and gave advice that was not only unsolicited but truly NONE of my business. I stuck my foot in it....like way deep down in it and because of that mistake I've been shut out from a particular part of my family's life.
So I thought and I worried and I fretted and then I decided that I needed to make amends for what I had done. So yesterday I sent an email to apologize for sticking my nose into a situation that had nothing to do with me. Now, we all know about amends and how sometimes the person we are apologizing to doesn't act/do/say exactly what we want them to. So after I sent the email yesterday I decided that I was going to have to be happy about that step and that I could no longer worry if they hated me, thought I was crazy or just wanted nothing else to do with me. I can't worry about what they will do because I have no control over it. None, nada, zilch.
They are a young couple and it may take years before they understand what I was attempting to do by butting in and it may take years for them to see the amount of courage it took for me to say I'm sorry. I can't rush the process, I can't push the outcome....all I can do is love them from afar until they allow me to love them a bit closer.
I have to say that removing that set of blinders by making those amends has freed up my artistic side, just a bit I think. I believe it is because I have cleaned up as best I could this mess I created and I've let it go to fall where it may. I've released this "thing" that has been hanging over my head and I have to say it feels good.
Let me be the first to tell you that my life is not all roses and green grass and sunshine. I have other demons that I deal with and on a daily basis I am getting better and better at setting boundaries and being who I am. I'm attempting to sweep away the dust and baggage in steps....doable steps. Of course the hard part for me is not creating more "ick" along the way. I never knew that keeping your side of the street clean could be such hard work but I also never knew that the process of keeping it clean would open up so many new ways to see things. It's amazing, terrifying sometimes yes, but amazing, amazing, amazing.
Thank you all for being part of my artistic journey.....