This morning, as I quickly went through another box of items that have found their way home from both Petaluma and Danbury, Tom Petty's song "Learning To Fly" popped into my head and I have not been able to shake it. In particular this verse.....
Well, some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out for God knows where
I guess I'll know when I get there
I think this song is a pretty amazing analogy of what I have been going through in my life over the last few months - both professionally and personally.
Many of you may already know that certain decisions have already been made about my artistic endeavors but for those that don't, well here is the breakdown.....
It has finally dawned on me that although I love selling vintage items for others to use in their artistic creations it takes time away from me that could be better spent in the studio. After all, I am an artist and I want to create art for my home, for my retreat proposals and to sell. It's a scary prospect as that little voice keeps saying to me "nobody will probably even want what you make". What that little voice doesn't know is that I have several wonderful women (Kecia, Sal, Ellen, Colleen, Sharon, Leighanna, Sherry, Kim, Cindy and more) who have been kind enough to gift me with a bit of their confidence and bravery and better yet when I am in no position to fight the "inner critic" they are ready to fight it for me.
I feel free right now.....free from the need to go shopping for things to sell...now I can make art! Free from the pricing, boxing and shipping....now I can concentrate on visiting with friends, fellow artists and finding the soul of the retreats. Free from storing and doing inventory of those items not sold.....now I can be what I have always wanted to be.....an artist who has a wonderful muse who isn't burned out from looking at so many vintage items.
Please don't get me wrong....if I thought I could do this without taking away from my creativity time I would so do it but my heart is telling me it is time to let go of that and move into what else is in store for me artistically. I believe my next steps in this world of art and mixed media and assemblage and retreats are going to be so amazing and while that is a bit frightening I am running straight into it with arms and heart wide open.
As the song says there are those that will try to tell you that you aren't good enough, challenging enough or artsy enough. There are those that will try to take away your confidence and self esteem by telling you that your crown doesn't shine bright enough or that you aren't a good business decision. There will always be those bearers of doom and gloom that will try to trip you up but you have a choice and the ability to laugh in their faces and embrace what YOU know is true.
I don't know where this new path on my artistic journey is going to take me, I guess I'll know when I get there.